Losing Faith
by gigundoly
Summary: When Artie is mysteriously absent from school on the day before Sectionals, Tina is worried. Could Artie be hiding something? Set during 2011, fall of senior year
1. Remember November

Author's Note: I can't begin tell you all how much I appreciate the feedback I've received on my stories! I was struggling to think of my next project, and this story just came to me in a flash as I was driving in the car. Thank goodness for the iPhone. Once I reached my destination, I whipped it out and drew out an outline in my notes. This will be my first attempt at something that would be categorized as "angst," though I like to mix in humor and suspence along the way. I hope you guys enjoy this.

* * *

Artie Abrams hardly ever missed school.

Tina could recall very few instances where Artie ever missed a day of school. He had been out for three days once during their sophomore year, a result of a bad pressure sore that needed tending to. Tina hadn't really asked about that. It was one of those embarrassing paraplegic issues that Artie avoided talking to anyone about, Tina included. Then he was out for two days during their junior year when his grandmother passed away. But whenever Artie had an allergy attack, bad cold, laryngitis, upset stomach, or any illness similar to those already mentioned, he somehow managed to haul his butt up to school anyway.

Tina liked taking sick days, even when she wasn't particularly sick. Afterall, who could really deal with school on the first day of her period? She also liked taking what she called "mental health days" every now and then, too, so she definitely couldn't relate to a mindset like Artie's. Now that they were seniors, she had a feeling she would soon be taking "senioritis" sick days to combat this infectious and rapidly spreading disease. She and Artie even had an established routine whenever Tina took one of her bogus sick days. Artie would call, ask what it was this time, and Tina would launch into a dramatic explanation of all the reasons why school just wasn't an option for her today. Then Artie would laugh at her. Tina would respond to this by telling him that he didn't know what he was missing.

And so when Artie missed school on the Friday before Sectionals, Tina was _deeply_ troubled. She stared at his vacant desk during her first period class, too distracted by the absence of her friend to concentrate on Mr. Schuester's lesson. She felt a tap on her shoulder and subsequently received a note from Mike Chang, the other Asian in glee club. Scrawled in his sloppy writing was a question: _Where's your boyfriend, Asian Number One? _

Tina proceeded to flunk Mr. Schuester's quiz, despite the fact that she'd actually studied the night before.

_Where are you, Artie? _It was strange enough that he would miss school at all, but to miss glee rehearsal on the day before the competition? For the first time in the three years that they had been in glee club, Artie and Tina were singing a duet at the competition. Although they had been featured separately on numerous occassions, this was their first time to be featured together. How could he miss school when their big debut was at stake?! She watched the sluggish minute hand on the clock tick by until finally the bell began to ring. Tina bolted out of her chair and sprinted for the door.

Finding a safe corner of the hallway, Tina whipped out her cell phone and pressed number one on her speech dial. The phone rang and rang as she stood with it pressed to one ear and a hand covering the other, straining to hear. Finally, she heard Artie's chipper voice say, _"I'm not here right now, I'm out... ("Rolling! Rolling! Rolling on the river!" sang Tina Turner)... so leave me a message!"_

"Artie, I hope there's a good reason you aren't at school," she began, ominously. "Because if you miss glee practice today and we don't get a chance to rehearse one more time, I don't think I can go through with the duet tomorrow. We need this practice. This is important, and you know it. For your sake, Abrams, I sure hope you're sick. Very sick. On your death bed. Because if not, don't worry... you will be when I finish with you."

As Tina furiously snapped her phone shut, she glanced up to see Rachel heading towards her with a look of determination. Rachel was in Spanish with them, but sat several rows back. Before Tina could say anything, Rachel was already launching herself into a rant. "He can't miss the day before a competition!" Her mouth contorted in rage. "I don't care if he's puking his guts out right now. The final rehearsal is _crucial_ and as far as I'm concerned, the choreography on your number is still a mess! He can't miss rehearsal today, he just can't. And what about tonight? He _especially_ can't miss the dress rehearsal tonight!"

Even though Tina was mad at Artie, too, it was her job to defend him. "I just left him a message," she said, soothingly. "I'm sure he's just late. Let's wait until lunch before we start panicking. Artie knows how important today is. He'll be here, I'm sure of it."

"I _knew _he wasn't leadership material," Rachel brazenly complained, putting her hands on her hips. "I hope you're right, Tina." Helplessly, Tina watched as Rachel stomped off to her next class. She had managed to pacify Rachel for the time being, but what was she going to do if Artie didn't show?

* * *

Seventh period of the day. No Artie.

Tina had Ms. Castle for Astronomy, which meant that she would be able to sneak out of the class for as long as she needed to call Artie. Crazy Ms. Castle was perpetually recovering from the night before and talked about the same constellations for several consecutive weeks. A spaceship could land in the middle of her classroom and she would be totally oblivious.

She had already called in between each class period, and now she was really starting to worry. Tina considered going to the office to find out whether his absence was excused. Maybe she could get his parents' number. For now, however, she settled on trying his cell phone over and over in hopes that he would answer. She was on her eleventh consecutive call and nearly ready to give up when Artie finally picked up.

"Hi, Tina." His voice was dull, flat, and colorless.

"Arthur John Abrams, where have you been?" The questions came bursting out of the floodgates. "Why haven't you answered the phone? I've called you, like, twenty times and left you four messages! You aren't sick, are you? You're never sick!"

"I'm taking a mental health day," he replied, his voice still devoid of emotion. "Isn't that what you call it?"

"Taking a mental - ?" She cut herself off, mid-sentence. "You mean you're not even sick and you aren't at school? Artie, what's going on? It's the day before the competition, and you and I have to rehearse today! Rachel's right, the choreography is a mess and we have to fix our harmonies and you have to be here and_ you don't even have a real reason not to be here!"_

There was silence on the other end of the line.

"Artie?"

More silence, but she could hear him breathing. "I have a reason."

"... And what might that reason be? It's the _day before the competition._" Her patience was wearing thin.

"Exactly," he said, sounding irritated himself now. "I know exactly what day it is. There's no way I could forget about November 11th." He fell silent, giving Tina time to process that. "Ten years later, and I still don't forget that day."

As understanding dawned on her, Tina bit her lip. Now she remembered. Last year, on what must have been the ninth anniversary, Artie hadn't stayed home sick that day, but he _had _acted strangely. Now she remembered it clearly. Tina finally had to pry it out of him, and he had confessed with some difficulty that it was just hard to deal with the realization that he had now spent nine years of his life in a wheelchair, now well over half of it.

"Artie," she whispered. "I know this is going to sound insensitive and I'm sorry. I just can't say it any other way. But somehow, you've got to let go of all this, get over it, and get your butt up here anyway. Come to school. It will take your mind off of... everything... if you just come up here and sing with us. If you want, I'll lie for you and tell everyone you were home with diarrhea." Tina thought she heard him give a small chuckle at that.

"You think this is about the chair, don't you?"

Tina was taken aback. "Well, yeah, isn't it?"

"No," he stated, flatly. "It isn't. And I'm not at home."

"Well, if you aren't at home, where are you?

"At a tattoo parlor."

"At a _what_?"

"A tattoo parlor," he said, again, hastily. And now Tina noticed the background noise that she hadn't clued into before. He really wasn't at his house. "I'm a legal adult, I can do that. Listen, they just called my name. I have to go. Hope this doesn't hurt too much. And hey, don't worry, I'm gonna be at the dress rehearsal later. Tell that to Rachel and whoever else bugs you about it. 'Bye."

And before Tina could say another word, he hung up.


	2. Artie's Faith

Author's Note: Thank you for your kind reviews. So many people were shocked by Artie getting a tattoo, haha. I made an addition error when I said that the story started on Friday, November 9, 2012. That would be the fall _after _our beloved glee kids graduate. So I looked at a calendar and changed the date to November 11, 2011. That is the new 10-year anniversary to Artie's accident. The first chapter has been edited to reflect this corrrection. So November 11, 2011 will be the date referenced in the story. (And I like this because it's 11/11/11.)

* * *

Tina was stuck with the task of explaining why they were Artie-less at practice. She debated on whether or not to tell them what Artie told her: that he was getting a tattoo. Who was going to believe _that_? She wasn't even sure she believed it. But what possible reason could Artie have for telling such a bogus lie? She settled on telling them only what she knew.

"The car accident that left him paralyzed happened ten years ago today, Mr. Schuester," she reported to her teacher, as well the audience of her peers. A sympathetic murmur went through the crowd upon hearing the news. Mr. Schue frowned and looked as though he were trying to think of the appropriate thing to say. Tina added, "I guess it's... a hard day for him because of that." _Or not. He said that wasn't the reason. _"He'll be at dress rehearsal this evening, don't worry!"

"You're sure?" Mr. Schuester asked, and Tina nodded, hoping that Artie would stay true to his word. "Well, okay then, I guess we don't really have much of a choice, do we? In the meantime, Mike, why don't you stand in, er... _sit_ in for Artie. We still have the _Proud Mary_ wheelchairs. Do what you can remember of Artie's choreography. I know you helped him make it up."

But Mike was much better at doing pop 'n lock moves than executing wheelchair turns. He ran into Tina's shins three times and messed up the words to their song. Plus, he definitely didn't have Artie's vocal abilities. Consequently, Tina forgot some of her choreography and almost sang the first verse twice. Thanks to all the Artie drama, she was now completely unnerved. She caught a few glares from Rachel as she fumbled her way through the performance. A rare moment in the spotlight for Tina, and now she was going to blow it.

After practice, Kurt and Mercedes cornered her. Being that the four friends spent so much time together, it wasn't surprising that they should want more information. But as it turned out, Mercedes was a lot more intuitive than Tina realized. "I know that Wheels isn't home, moping over the accident," she said, coming up behind Tina, who was trying to slip out unnoticed. Tina stopped and looked longingly at the door, wishing that she didn't have to try and explain Artie's behavior when she didn't understand it herself. She sighed, however, and turned around to face Mercedes.

"Yeah, that doesn't make any sense," added Kurt. "That isn't like him at all. Self-pity's not his style."

Tina shifted uncomfortably. "Looks, all I know is that he's getting some kind of tattoo," she said. "He sounded weird on the phone."

Kurt and Mercedes burst out laughing at this. And Tina had to admit, the idea of Artie getting a tattoo was pretty hilarious. Tina found herself imagining him with a badass skull-and-crossbones across his bicep. When she suggested the idea to Kurt, he suggested they get him a bandana and maybe an eye patch to go with it. Poking fun at Artie took Tina's mind off the troubling aspect of the situation, and she was able to laugh about it, forgetting that she was still annoyed and bewildered by her friend's behavior.

Tina decided to take matters into her own hands. Rather than going home and waiting to see if he showed up at dress rehearsal, she elected to drive herself to his house instead and confront him there. And not only would she pry answers out of Artie, she'd also be able to ensure that he made it to rehearsal. Even if she had to drag his ass there herself.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, she was cross-legged on his bed, scruntinizing his wrist. He sat a few feet away, still in his wheelchair, cradling the bandaged wrist in his other hand. Artie explained to Tina that he couldn't show her the tattoo even if he wanted to because it hadn't been two hours since he finished getting it done. The tattoo artist had been a good one, a professional, and he had explained to Artie that it was important to wait a least that long before removing the bandage. Even so, Tina got the nagging feeling that Artie wanted to be secretive about this tattoo, just like he was being secretive about his reason for skipping school today.

"Of all the places you could get a tattoo," she said, shaking her head in disbelief. "Of all the places where you have no feeling, you would choose to have them tattoo your _wrist?_"

Tina didn't say this part, but she also noticed that he had held his wrist at an awkward angle while wheeling himself back to his bedroom to talk to her. Tina suspected that it was hurting him to use the wrist while pushing his chair, but Artie was too proud to admit that. She thought it was a pretty dumb thing to do when you had to dance in your wheelchair for a competition the next day. She didn't share this opinion because she really wanted him to talk to her.

Artie just shrugged, touching the bandage gingerly. "It was more meaningful if I put the tattoo somewhere so that I could look at it everyday. I wanted to do something to remember... so I did..."

He was being extremely vague, which only added to her frustration. And Tina thought it sounded strange for him to say that he _wanted _to remember November 11th, the day she thought he wished he could forget. She watched him closely as he stared out the bedroom window, his round, blue eyes suddenly wistful and strange. Finally, he looked at her and said, "Faith. It says _Faith_."

"Faith?" Tina echoed, looking more puzzled. "What do you mean, what kind of faith? Religious faith?"

"No, no..." he said, and it looked as though it were hurting him to explain himself. Upon closer inspection, Artie actually appeared to be fighting back tears. His blue eyes were suddenly very bright and red-rimmed as he stared back at her. Concerned, Tina scooted to the edge of the bed to lean over him, the blue streaks in her hair falling across her face.

"Why do you look like you're about to cry right now?" she asked, softly, reaching out to lace her fingers through the ones on his left hand. He bit his lip and tried to smile, but a few tears escaped just then, causing Tina's heart to break and crumble inside of her chest. He shook his head, still having trouble forming actual words. His mouth opened and closed a few times, but only an anguished sob escaped and tears flowed freely now.

"Artie..." She got up off the bed to lean over him and wrap her arms around him, holding him tightly. After a moment, he put one arm around her back and pulled her in even closer. His whole body shook with sobs now, and Tina got the impression that the pain, whatever its cause, had been building up inside of him for a long time now. She held him in silence for as long as he needed her. When she felt a pat on her back and heard the sobbing subside, she drew back and took her seat on the bed again.

He drew in a shaky breath as he regained his ability to speak. "I never told you this..." he began, his voice trembling along with his hands. He paused, looking down at the bandage on his wrist again, and started over. "I never told you this, Tee, but I was a twin. I had a fraternal twin sister, and her name was Faith. Well, Allison Faith... b-but she went by Faith. "

"Allion Faith?" Tina breathed. "That's... a beautiful name." She could think of nothing else to say as she waited for the rest of the story. She always thought Artie was an only child. She'd even teased him about it before, telling him how lucky he was not to have dumb older brothers like she did. Artie had never bothered to correct her.

"She was named after my grandmother," said Artie, smiling a sad smile now. He wiped away the stray tears that he couldn't seem to hold back with a look of determinaton. "Just like I was named after my grandfather. My grandfather goes by John, though, so I went by Arthur. My grandmother goes by Allison so my parents decided to call my sister by her middle name, Faith."

"What happened?" Tina whispered, but before Artie could give an answer, the horrible truth had already sunk in.

"She was killed in a car accident," he said, closing his eyes tightly and pressing his lips together as though trying to hold himself together. "The very same car accident. I know I never told you that. We don't tell anyone about that. We moved out of Cincinnati after it happened, to get away from all the memories. It's... it's just too painful. And, I don't know, it just hit me this morning. _Ten years_. I can't believe Faith's been gone for ten years now."

Tina moved to be near him again, kneeling down at his feet. Artie put his head his his hands and the sobs resumed. Tina rose again and leaned over to wrap him in another hug. At some point during their embrace, Artie choked out an apology for never telling her about his sister until now, but Tina shushed him and continued to soothe him, massaging his shoulders as she held him tightly. He pulled Tina into his lap. It was strangely comforting to have someone there to cry with him now. He was glad to have told someone, and he was glad that someone was Tina.

But nothing could ever take the pain away.


	3. Rock, Paper, Scissors

Author's Note: Thank you again for the reviews! I feel I should say this every time because it really is flattering that you guys do this. I know that it takes a minute to actually log in, pull up the screen, think of what you want to say, and submit it. It really does mean a lot to me. Special thanks to Lady Chronic because her input helped me realize that I needed to have Artie explain his reasons for being so ~secretive~. I will do my best to answer those questions! And you are right, my Artie(s) have lots of secrets. ;)

... And now, for something a little happier.

* * *

When Artie managed to regain composure, he caught Tina offguard by asking her if she wanted to see pictures of him and Faith together. In the four years that she'd known him, Tina had never seen any pictures of Artie before he was in a wheelchair. She'd always assumed that the Abrams kept the old pictures put away for his sake. She had just assumed, wrongly it seemed, that Artie didn't want to look at old pictures from before the accident because it was too painful to recall what it was like when he could walk.

The old photo albums were kept in the guest bedroom, and Artie needed Tina's help getting them down from the top of the closet. There were seven thick, heavy albums, which according to Artie, spanned from his parents' first year of marriage to the beginning of second grade for he and Faith. Tina balanced on her tip-toes to reach them and as she piled the albums into Artie's lap, she couldn't help but wonder about something. "Artie, don't get me wrong, I do want to see these photos. But why are you showing them to me now?"

Artie shrugged, playing absently with the bandage the way he usually fidgeted with his yellow bike gloves. "Same reason I got the tattoo today," he mumbled. "I'm just tired of pretending she never existed. I want to talk about Faith, remember the good things." He took another shaky breath and looked up at Tina. "And since I care about you so much, Tee, you're the perfect person for me to share her with first."

Tina perched herself on the bed in the guest room and reached out to give his hand a squeeze. "And I'd love for you to tell me about her," she told him. "I wish I could have known her."

"She'd have liked you, Tee," he said, smiling thoughtfully. "I can imagine the two of you as friends. And she would have probably told you that you were too good for her dorky brother. She said that one time when this girl my first grade class made me a constructive paper heart for Valentine's Day. Tiffany Anderson, the prettiest girl in my class, gave me a heart with glitter all over it, and Faith totally ruined it for me."

Tina laughed appreciatively at the story, and Artie laughed as well. He opened up one of the comparatively newer albums on the top of the stack in his lap and flipped through until he found a picture. "Here we are on the first day of second grade," he said, pointing out a set of pictures. "We went to private school with uniforms and everything. I liked the uniforms, but Faith hated them."

The twins stood in front of an average, one-story house and smiled for the camera. Artie had his arm around his sister, smirking proudly, and her mouth was wide open as though she had just been laughing at something out of the picture. They were dressed in matching navy blue polo shirts. He wore khaki pants and she had on a khaki skort with navy blue knee socks. They each carried matching green lunch boxes. Artie commented that Faith was going to get a pink one, but changed her mind and got green like Artie. She and Artie looked like they could have been identical twins -- if identical twins could be different genders. Her long brown hair, worn in braided pigtails, was the only distinguishing feature.

"I doubt we would look that similar today," he commented, as she studied the photograph. "Faith didn't particularly like being told that she looked like me because, according to her, that had to mean that she looked like a boy." He chuckled. "I'm fairly sure she would have grown out of that. And I think about it a lot, about what she would look like... act like..."

Tina smiled sympathetically. "She's beautiful," she told him. "Show me more, please?" Artie nodded, putting the albums on the floor. He slid himself out of his wheelchair and onto the floor, patting the carpet next to him. Tina climbed down off the bed and settled herself beside him.

They spent the next hour going through all of the albums, starting with the earliest pictures and working their way through the years. Faith and Artie were very well documented children. They were born three weeks early, which wasn't unusal for twins. Faith had been born first, something she always liked to rub in Artie's face. She was also bigger than Artie and more robust from the beginning. Artie had to be on a ventilator for a few days at first, whereas Faith's lungs allowed her to be the loudest crier in the nursery. As they grew into toddlers, Faith continued to be the leader and the more dominant personality of the twins. Artie, always the accommodating one, was pictured playing dress-up and tea party with her in multiple photos.

"Kurt has nothing on me," Artie bragged. "He says he was wearing heels by three? Well here I am, playing with dolls with my sister at two. And the worst part is that I look happy about it. It's kind of remarkable that I'm not gay, huh?"

Tina snickered. "Remarkable."

There were so many birthday parties, Christmases, and vacations to look through and talk about. On the first day of kindergarten, the two looked less confident in their navy blue and khaki uniforms. They were holding hands and only Faith was smiling. Artie was rubbing his eyes and looking miserable in the picture. "I cried all morning about going to school. I was scared to ride the bus," he reminisced. They had been to Disneyland when they were six, and Artie remembered Faith being the scared one then, freaked out by a bad experience on Space Mountain. "She hated rollercoasters after that, but I loved them."

Artie looked happy as he told Tina about Faith, explaining almost every picture as they flipped through the albums. But as Tina watched the twins age through pictures, she noticed Artie's expression beginning to darken. He began making fewer comments on the pictures. Finally, he reached the last page of the last album. The twins were pictured in Halloween costumes. By age eight, they were beginning to grow out of looking identical. Their costumes couldn't have been more different. Faith was a ballet dancer, and Artie was Spiderman. The two were shown holding out matching Jack-O-Lantern buckets.

"It's hard to believe that she was gone less than two weeks later," Artie whispered, transfixed by the picture. He traced the image of Faith with his index finger, and Tina was sure that he was reliving the memory in that picture, one of the last happy memories he had with his sister. He drew in a deep breath and shut the album.

"We-we have to go," he said, his eyes searching the room and landing on a digital alarm clock by the bed. "We have dress rehearsal in twenty minutes. I, um, I guess I can see what this looks like now, huh?" He winced slightly as he tugged at the bandage. The freshly-inked script on his wrist was swollen and bruised, but it looked like the tattoo artist had done a nice job. A small smile played on his lips. "I like it."

"People are going to ask you about it," Tina felt obliged to point out."You do know that, right? I, uh, told Mercedes and Kurt what you were doing today. So they'll probably be the first ones who want to see it. Are you ready to talk about her?"

Artie contemplated what Tina had said for a moment, then flipped the last album open again. He pulled out the picture from Halloween. "I'm ready," he said, sounding more confident now. "The anniversary of her death is making me realize how _much _I need to keep her memory alive. My parents might be angry when they see this, though, I don't know..." He glanced down at his wrist again, tracing the fresh ink on his skin.

"Angry? Why do you think they'll be angry?"

"Mom walked out of that accident with nothing other than whiplash," Artie explained. "Dad wasn't even with us in the car. Even though the accident wasn't even Mom's fault, she blames herself. And even though Dad couldn't have known what was going to happen that day, he blames himself for not being there. And I kind of... I kind of blame myself for something, too."

Tina furrowed her brow. "You blame _yourself_?"

"Young kids aren't supposed to ride in the front seat, you know," he went on, glancing at the picture in his hand again and looking away just as quickly. "But for Faith and I, it was a priviledge. We played Rock, Paper, Scissors for it. You know, the game?" Artie chuckled at this, but it was a bitter laugh. "And well, I can't help but think sometimes... if I had thrown rock instead of paper, it would have been me in the front seat that day." His tone changed suddenly, and he looked Tina straight in the eye. ""So if I had been sitting up front, then I'd be dead and Faith would be alive today, probably sitting in a wheelchair and telling someone about me."

"Artie... you can't," Tina sputtered. "It... it doesn't work that way, fate. Your family shouldn't try to take the blame for what happened. It just _happened_. You have to try and think about things differently. Don't blame yourself for living, Artie."

"But I was her brother, I was supposed to _protect her."_ He clutched his wrist and brought it to his heart, closing his eyes. "I can't cry right now," he said, through clenched teeth as he struggled to reign in control of his emotions. "We have rehearsal and, at this rate, we're going to be late." Artie took a few deep breaths. He had better control over his emotions than Tina. She had been on the verge of tears again herself, and they still threatened to spill over at any moment.

"Are you gonna be okay?" she whispered.

Artie pulled himself up into his chair, still holding on to the picture. "I'm gonna try."


	4. Comfort and Closure

Author's Note, Er, _Apology_: I'm sorry. The longer the show hiatus lasts, the worse my writers' block gets. Makeovers are like crack to Kurt, and this show is like crack to me. I don't blame you guys if you're bored with me and my stories, now that I made you wait *this* long. But here goes anyway. I did think of a song that I would very much like to see Artie and Tina do on the show. So, naturally, I'm including it in my story in hopes that the writers will come here and steal my idea. TAKE IT, I WON'T SUE! (Go read the rest of the lyrics to see just_ how_ perfect it actually is.)

* * *

When Artie put on that stupid piano wristwarmer before dress rehearsal, Tina took it as a sign that he was having second thoughts about telling the others about his sister or showing them his new ink. She kept quiet about it, figuring it was Artie's right to change his mind, and drove them to the school in silence. It was strange seeing her usually optimistic friend in such emotional turmoil. She did notice that he still slipped the Halloween photo of he and Faith in his back pocket before following Tina out to her car. Tina didn't press him for an explanation. If he was ready, he would tell them.

Artie was a drastic improvement over Mike, in terms of wheelchair dancing. Tina knew her shins were safe now. Their duet was a song Tina wouldn't have chosen herself, but it did make for an ironic choice, which was something Artie always enjoyed. When they had done 'Sit Down, You're Rocking the Boat,' Tina remembered Mr. Schue looking a bit hesistant as he brought it up to Artie. And then Artie had made that comment about irony enhancing the performance, which only encouraged their teacher. So now they were doing 'Push' by Matchbox 20, inspired by the fact that Tina always pushed Artie and everyone had indeed noticed.

_I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will _  
_I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will _  
_I wanna take you for granted, I wanna take you for granted, yeah I will, I will_

Tina would grab Artie's handles and send him flying across the stage where someone would catch him and send it back. Artie threw in some impressive wheelchair tricks that he had worked on for months. It freaked Tina out at times because it looked like Artie was going to tumble out of his chair at any second. But he would always pull the chair back upright each and every time. Thank goodness for that; she really didn't want to see him crash. Today, it looked like doing his tricks and singing this fun song was gradually pulling him out of the mood he had been in all day. A couple of times, he actually smiled, even though the song was supposed to be "angry" and they were supposed to look mad at each other to express the emotions in the song. Tina was thankful he had the distrction.

"Great job, that's a wrap guys," announced Mr. Schuester, clapping his hands. "Er, Artie, could I see you for a few minutes?"

_Don't ask him about today. _Tina wanted to send this message telepathically, but she settled for catching the teacher's eye and giving him a meaningful look. Seeming to understand that there was something Artie wouldn't want to talk about, Mr. Schue nodded slightly in her direction before turning his attention to Artie. Satisfied, Tina went to the edge of the stage to pick up her water bottle. As she took a swig, she noticed Mercedes and Kurt heading her way.

"Well?" Mercedes put her hands on her hip. "Did he show you his ink?" Beside her, Kurt hid an amused smile.

Tina exhaled, glancing at Artie and Mr. Schuester, who had their backs to her. Stepping closer to Mercedes and Kurt, she kept her voice low as she explained where Artie had been that day. As she spoke, she noticed it was Kurt who looked the most troubled by this news. It made sense, being that it was Kurt who had suffered his own loss as a child, Kurt who was more likely to shed some light on what Artie was going through now. And sure enough...

"Grief is important," he said, reminding Tina of a fortune cookie dressed in an Alexander McQueen jacket. She managed to keep a straight face. He nodded solemnly as he looked across the room, studying Artie for a moment before looking back at Tina and Mercedes. The loss of his mother at an early age had given him extensive wisdom on the subject. "When I was little, I used to go through my mother's old things. I liked her scent, I liked remembering the way she smells. Over the year, that scent has probably faded, but I guess its been imprinted on my memory because I can _still_ smell her. Artie... I don't know what he does, but it doesn't sound like he's allowed himself to grieve the loss of his sister. Although the tattoo sounds like a step in the right direction."

"And showing you guys that picture would be another step," Tina reasoned, sighing heavily. "But I don't know if he's planning to talk to anyone but me. He really _needs_ to talk about her. It's like you said, Kurt, grief is important but he isn't letting himself experience that grief. I wonder if..."

"If what?" Mercedes prompted, when Tina fell suddenly silent.

Tina didn't speak but looked at Kurt.

"He must have missed it altogether," said Kurt, understanding. He clarified for Mercedes. "When his sister's funeral happened, Artie would have still been in the hospital. So you see he never got to grieve at _all._ He had to deal with his own physical loss first, with the adjustment of being in a wheelchair. By getting that tattoo, he's finally doing what he needs to do. I think you're right, Tina, he _needs_ to share her with the rest of us. Let us comfort him. That's an important part of grief, too. Comfort. Closure."

_Comfort. Closure_. But what could Tina do? What did Artie need from _her_?

_'For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fe-e-ellow! Which nobody can deny!' _

The three friends were jolted out of their conversation as several of their teammates burst into song. Puck, Mike, and Finn had joined hands with Matt and were dancing with him in a Ring-Around-the-Rosey circle as Matt laughed appreciatively. Tina remembered that today was Matt's birthday and that his mother was bringing a cake to rehearsal. Sure enough, Santana held the door open as an African American woman entered with a chocolate-frosted sheet cake. Brittany lit the candles as the cake was lowered onto a table.

Artie and Mr. Schuester were the last the come to the table, but Tina noticed that he was pushing his piano wristwarmer down. She realized that Mr. Schuester had probably gotten an explanation out of Artie, which was _another_ step in the right direction. Maybe Mr. Schue would even encourage him to talk with Ms. Pillsbury, _another _logical step. Artie smiled now and even joined in singing another round of_ 'For He's a Jolly Good Fellow' _as they all gathered around Matt. Matt, who was surprisingly shy for a jock, blushed furiously over being the center of attention. Puck apparently knew it, which was probably why he had started the song in the first place. It was much more embarrassing than the typical birthday song.

"Well, Mr. Rutherford's another year older!" Mr. Schuester announced, grinning as two little kids who appeared to be about ten or eleven years old came running in with the birthday plates, napkins, and forks. "Introduce us to your family, Matt. I know I've met your mother, but I didn't even know you had siblings!"

"Yeah, these brats are my little brother and sister," answered Matt, who had already said twice as much as he normally did at rehearsal. He was typically a man of few words. Matt hugged the kids around the shoulders as he introduced them. "This is Keisha and this is Delano," he said. "And my mother, Beverly Jameson-Rutherford."

"We're twins!" Keisha added, clinging to her brother Delano, who rolled his eyes at her.

Without further ado, Mr. Schuester led everyone in singing the traditional birthday song with Matt's mother and siblings. Matt blew out his candles to thunderous applause. His mother thanked Mr. Schue for allowing her to interrupt the rehearsal, to which Mr. Schue replied her that it was no trouble at all. As slices of cake were being passed out, Tina realized that she had lost track of Artie. And then she realized why. She looked up at the door in time to see it close behind him on his way out.

_Oh, no_, she thought, excusing herself as quickly as could. She knew immediately what had set him off.

"ARTIE!" Tina called, frantically, running after him in the hall. "ARTIE, WAIT!"

He pivoted in the hallway, his eyes brimming with tears once again. "Well, I couldn't let them see me lose it like that," he struggled to say, intentionally looking away from Tina as he spoke. "It would look kind of crazy for me to be crying my eyes out in the middle of a birthday party, wouldn't it? I just... can't get through this day... without... without... " His hands balled into fists, and he hit his arm rests in frustration.

"Artie, I know it hurts to remember, I _know."_ Tina crouched beside his chair and put a hand on his leg before realizing that he wouldn't exactly feel her comforting touch that way. She adjusted quickly, putting a hand on his arm instead. At least it got him to smile a little. She smiled in return, then reached up to stroke his hair. "But I know you want to remember her or you wouldn't have her name written on your arm. Would... would it be okay if we did something for you? To honor her memory?"

She spoke without a real plan in mind, but knew she would think of something. Artie looked hesitant for a moment, but then his expression changed. "That would be... really nice," he admitted. He looked down at the piano wristwarmer for a few seconds before finally taking it off, revealing the freshly-inked tattoo. "Thanks, Tee."

Comfort. Closure. Kurt was right. It was what he needed.

* * *

A/N: The final chapter is coming soon!


	5. With You In Your Dreams

Author's Note: Song and chapter title is With You In Your Dreams, by Hanson (circe 1997). A bit self-indulgent, yes. Last chapter - enjoy!

* * *

Artie needed a push to make it across the bumpy, grassy terrain and, as always, Tina was pleased to oblige. They crossed the field in silence, mindful that this was the resting place for so many souls, and it was important to respect the dead. Across the field, a young boy and his father knelt in front of a grave. They looked up as Artie and Tina approached, exchanging a sad smile of understanding with the passersby.

He drew in a deep breath, lifting the silk bouquet from his lap. They were tulips and daisies because Faith had once planted a garden in their backyard, and those had been her flowers of choice. Artie remembered with sadness how that garden had wilted away by the time he finally returned home from the hospital. As Tina helped him place the flowers next to the headstone, the memory came rushing back.

_Upon returning home from the hospital, Artie found himself in what looked more like a construction site than an actual home, his home. But determined not to leave the place where her children had grown up, Mrs. Abrams insisted on remodeling the modest __Cincinnati__ home, rather than uprooting the family as her husband had suggested in the months following the accident. __In place of the carpet, there were hardwood floors to help him get around the house easier. Several of the tight doorways in the house had been made wider to accommodate a wheelchair. Artie's bathroom now resembled the one at the hospital. Over his bed, there was a bar for pulling himself in and out of the bed. It was one change after another._

_The only thing that hadn't changed at all was his sister's bedroom. From the smell of things, the door hadn't been opened in months. The bed wasn't made. There were dolls on the floor. It looked as though Faith could have just stepped out of the room for a moment. _

_But she was gone. And she wasn't coming back._

"Artie?" Tina's soft voice jolted him back to the cemetery, where the girl who cared so much about him hovered over him worriedly. He smiled up at her, if only to show her that coming here hadn't been a mistake at all. It was good to think of her. Good to remember her now.

The Abrams didn't stay long in Cincinnati. After a few difficult months, the small family ended up in Lima where Mr. and Mrs. Abrams had both grown up and gone to high school. Having buried their daughter in Lima in the family burial plot, it seemed like a logical place to escape. Unlike Cincinnati, Lima held only good memories, the early ones that his parents had made before getting married. Artie's dad said they would make good memories in a new home.

But Artie had never visited his sister's grave, two miles away from his home, until today.

"We, um, wanted to come…" Finn spoke up, leading a pack of the others. They had kept a distance up until now, giving Artie his space as Tina had advised. Artie looked up to see the entire team trailing behind them, surprised by the fact that every single member was up at the crack of dawn with him.

Artie pivoted to face them, smiling softly. "Thanks for being here," he said. He hadn't built up the courage to mention Faith at rehearsal, but a glance up at Tina's worried face told him that she had relayed the news and asked them to come today. He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze, telling her with this gesture that he wasn't at all angry over this surprise.

He drew in a deep breath, turning back to her grave again. "I'm singing later today," he told Faith, eyes studying her full name engraved in stone, ALLISON FAITH ABRAMS. Below her name were her dates of birth and death, only a little over eight years spanning between them. And below that was written, "Beautiful sister, daughter, and granddaughter. A light to all who knew her." He felt three people place their hands on his shoulders as he spoke. The rest gathered around, reading the inscription, their lips forming the words in silence.

"We're all singing. Glee club has been, like, the best thing that's ever happened to me. I know you probably think it sounds a little dorky, and maybe it is, but we're really good, Faith. If you were a part of it, it would be even better. I mean, you'd probably steal all the solos from Rachel… "(They all chuckled, Rachel included.) "… because I know what a little diva you could be, Faith. But we'd try not to hold it against you. I just want you to know… that I really love you. I love you enough to remember you for the rest of my life. I just can't wait to see you again someday. I-I know I will..."

He dropped his head as the others around him sniffled and wiped away tears. Everyone was silent for a moment, gathered around to remember a girl that they never knew.

_If I'm gone when you wake up, please don't cry.  
If I'm gone when you wake up, don't ask why.  
Don't look back at this time as a time of heartbreak and distress.  
Remember me, remember me,  
'Cause I'll be with you in your dreams..._

Tina's voice rang out like a bell across the silent cemetery. The young boy and his father looked up from where they knelt to admire the girl's voice. Artie felt as though Tina sang his story, for Faith had been gone when he awoke nearly ten years ago. But she wouldn't want him to go on like this, too hurt to look back, too hurt to remember all the good things. As Rachel joined in and sang the verse again with Tina, he let himself remember tulips and daisies and a silly little girl spinning around in her tutu…

_I don't want you to cry and weep,  
I want you to go on living your life.  
I'm not sleeping an endless sleep.  
'Cause in your heart  
You have all of our good times,  
All of our good times._


End file.
